When I was a little kid,

            I called myself as a dreamer.

            I put all my hopes to my future adult version.

I dreamt for myself as a

            successful person alive who

            knows her own and be the better version of herself.

And guess, I am here now,

            at the stage where I hope-for.

            This not what I expected. Everything is cruel and chaotic.

The excitement I felt before,

            where I started to dream for everything

            is already gone and drown to the deepest part of my past.

No more happiness,

            it becomes a long-lasting sadness.

            My fragile heart becomes immune to numbness.

I think I have lost myself,

            I can’t the find light of my dream.

            All I can see is darkness with only one direction without hope.

I am drowning myself,

            to something that doesn’t even exist.

            I make myself suffer in silence that no one can see nor hear.

I am at phase of my life,

             where I’ve realized that there’s no room for someone like me

             who doesn’t even know the difference between fantasy and reality.  ✦